Cettie and the Beast
by BitterSweetNightmare
Summary: What happens when I make our favorite cats preform the muscial Beauty and the Beast?
1. Chapter 1

**Cettie **_and the _**Beast**

Jemima: (squeling happy) Etcetera your playing Belle!

Etcetera: (surprised) Really?

Nikki and Rache: (happy) Yes you are!

Bombalrina: I should be playing Belle, Im prettier then she is.

Nikki: (still strangly happy) You were going to play Belle, but I want to make Etcetera the lead this time.

Tugger: Um . . . Nikki I know you hate me, but why give me the part of the Beast and her Belle.

Nikki: (smile is forcing into a frown but she must resistes) Munkustrap got the part of the Beast, you got Lefou.

Tugger: But that cant be!

Nikki: (gets very angery) Well it is! Rache show him the list.

Rache: Thanks alot Tugger she was keeping her anger under control till you showed up.

Pounce: Yay, I bleam you for anymore beatings I get.

Rache: Anyways heres the cast.

Beast: Munkustrap

Belle: Etcetera

Lefou: Tugger

Gaston: Misto or Miston

The Three Silly Girls: Jemima, Electra, and Victoria

Meurice: Gus

Cogsworth: Alonzo

Lumiere: Mungojerrie

Babette: Rumpleteazer

Mrs. Potts: Jenny

Chip: Pounce

Madame de la Grande Bouche (boy thats a mouth full): Cassandra

Monsieur DArque: Plato

Voice of the Narration: Old Deuteronomy

Townspeople and Enchanted Objects: Everyone else and cats whos characters are not on.

Pounce: I love you Nikki.

Nikki: Why may I ask?

Pounce: For making me play a cup! I always wanted to be a cup! (starts acting crazy)

Nikki: (freaked out) Umm . . . Your welcome.

(The overture strikes up. Soon, the narrator speaks)

Old D: Once upon a time in a faraway land, a Young Prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. Then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the Prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be decieved by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he had dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The Prince tried to appologise, but it was too late for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. As punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Jemima: Hey, Gus tells us this story all the time. Hey Nikki can join in.

Nikki: Sure

Old D and Jemima: Ashamed of his monsterous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose which would bloom for many years. If he could learn to love another and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a Beast?

Pounce: You got that right.

Rache: But a person could love a Beast.

Pounce: WHAT!

Nikki: Raches right, only a person with a good, pure heart could see through a Beast and love him.

Queens: Thats so ROMANTIC!

(The music of the next song strikes up and the scene changes to a busy street of a little village.)

Etcetera: (exits her house with a basket) Little town, it's a quiet village.

Every day like the one before.

Little town full of little people

CATS playing Townspeople: HEY!

Etcetera: Waking up to say . . .

Tumble: Bonjour!

Quaxo: Bonjour!

Bomba: Bonjour!

Dem: Bonjour!

Bustopher: Bonjour!

Etcetera: There goes the baker with his tray like always

The same old bread and rolls to sell!

Every morning just the same

Since the morning that we came to this poor, provintial town

Pounce: Boy, your character sure dosent like the town

Bustopher: Good morning Cettie!

Etcetera: OH! Good morning, Monseiur!

Bustopher: And where are you off today?

Etcetera: The bookshop! I just finished the most wonderful story about a beanstalk and an ogre..

Bustopher: Thats nice, Jenny the bagles.

Etcetera: Boy, someones rued today!

Bomba and Demeter: Look, there she goes

The kit is strange, no question

Dazed and distracted, cant you tell?

Etcetera: Hey! What did I ever did to you two!? Huh?

Exotica: Never part of any crowed

Bustopher: Cause her heads up on some cloud

Villagers: No denying shes a funny girl, that Cettie.

Etcetera: (pouting) I dont like this song.

Plato: Hey, where did Nikki go?

Rache: The bathroom.

Skimble: Bonjour

Cassandra: Good day.

Skimble: How is your family?

Rumple: Bonjour

Mungo: Good day.

Rumple: How is your mate?

Mungo: You are my mate!

Rumple: Im just saying what the scipt says.

Jenny: I need . . . six eggs

Jelly: Thats too expensive!

Etcetera: There must be more then this provincial life!

Tumble: Rache what does that means? And Nikkis not back from the bathroom?

Rache: Yes and Ill look it up.

Plato, Tumble, Pounce: Look, there she goes-the girl is so peculair

I wonder if shes feeling well.

Queens: With a dreamy, far-off look.

Toms: And her nose stuck in a book.

All: What a puzzle to the rest of us is Cettie.

Ectetera: Oh . . . isnt this amazing?

Its my favorite part because . . . youll see

Heres were she meets Prince Charming

But she wont discover that its him

Till chapter three.

Grizabella: Now its no wonder that her name

means 'beauty'

Her looks have got no parallel

Tumble: But behide that fair facade

Im afraid she rather odd.

Etcetera: HEY!

Grizabella and Tumble: Very different from the rest of us.

All: Shes nothing like the rest of us is Cettie!

Etcetera: (starts to cry) Being different can be good sometimes, you know.

Rache: Its okey Etcy, its just a song. It doesnt mean anything.

(A gun goes off and Tugger rushes on to catch the game just shot out of the sky)

Tugger: I got it Miston! (misses the bird and brushes it off quickly) GEE, you didn't miss a shot Miston! You're the greatest hunter in the WHOLE WORLD! I cant believe what Im saying.

Misto: I know.

Tugger: No beast alive stands a chance against you! And no queen for that matter.

Misto: It's true Tugger! And I've got my sight set on THAT one (points at Etcetera, who is trying to stop crying)

Tugger: The inventer's daughter?

Misto: SHE'S the one! The lucky queen I'm going to marry!

Tugger: But she's-

Misto: The most beautiful queen in town!

Bomba: WHAT!

Tugger: I know, but-

Misto: That makes her the best! And don't I DESERVE THE BEST?

Pounce: Woo, if Nikki was here would make a wise crack.

Jemima: Shes STILL in the bathroom!

Pounce: Yep.

Tugger: Well, of course you do, but-

Misto: Right from the moment when I met her, saw her

I said, "She's gorgeous!" and I fell

Here in town there's only she

Who's as beautiful as me!

So I'm making plans to woo and marry Cettie!

Etcetera: I like what Misto . . . Oh, I mean Miston is singing better.

(The Three Silly Kittens come on stage, making goo-goo eyes a Miston as he walks by to Cettie)

Jemima, Electra, and Victoria: Look there he goes!

Isn't he DREAMY?

Monseiur Miston!

OH HE'S SO CUTE!

Tugger: I thought I was the cute and sexy one.

Rache, Tumble, and Pounce: (laughing) I wish Nikki was here!

Everyone: Let me guess, still in the bathroom.

Rache: Nikki must have gotton sidetacked or sick.

Demeter: Hey, wheres Munkustrap?

Jemima: Prabably still getting his custom on.

Jemima, Electra, and Victoria: Be still my heart!

I'm hardly breathing!

He's such a tall, dark, strong and

handsome BRUTE!

Jenny: Misto a brute? Thats hard to picture.

Bomba: Bonjour!

Misto: Pardon

Etcetera: Good day

Demeter: Mais out!

Cass: You call this bacon?

Exotica: What lovely grapes!

Bustopher: Some cheese . . .

Tanto: . . ten yards!

Jenny: . . one pound

Misto: Scuse me!

Tumble: Ill get the knife.

Pounce: Oooo murder!

Misto: Please let me through!

Jelly: This bread . . .

Jemmia: Those fish . . .

All: Yum! Fish!

Electra: . . its stale

Victoria: . . they smell!

Toms: Madames mistaken!

Queens: Well, maybe so!

All: Good morning!

Etcetera: There must be more then this provincial life!

Misto: Just watch . . . Im going to make Cettie my wife!

All: Look, there she goes . . . a girl whos strange

but special

A most peculair mademoiselle

Queens: Its a pity and a sin

Toms: She doesnt quite fit in

All: Cause she really is a funny girl

A beauty but a funny girl

She really is a funny girl . . . that Cettieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Etcetera: Thank God the song is over!

Demeter: Hey guys wheres Munkustrap and Nikki?

(Right on cue Munkustrap rolls in front of everyone with Nikki not letting go and kissing him)

Rache: Nikki I thought you went to the bathroom.

Nikki: No, I just told you that so you wouldnt know I was making out with Munkustrap by force.

All: (laughing) Poor Munkustrap!

Nikki: So how much did you guys got done with?

Rache: One song.

Nikki: Just one song! You guys are so slow!

Tumble: But we are tring so hard!

Nikki: (sighs) Lets just keep going.

Electra: Okey, but after some fish!

Alonzo: Yay Im starving!

(The Jellicles trample over Nikki for fish)

Nikki: (groans) At this rate well never finish!

**Stay tune to see if Misto is a brute, will Etcetera stop being picked on, will Munkustrap ever be left alone by Nikki, will Nikki ever have her anger management in check, and most importantly will the Jellicles get food poisoning? Tune in next time for more Cettie ****and the ****Beast.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Cettie ****and the**** Beast**

Nikki: Break is over guys! Were way behide.

Tugger: Aww, nuts! I was hoping she would forget.

Nikki: But I didnt.

(Miston makes fun of Cetties father, saying that he is insane, which makes our little Cettie very angery. They then see Cettie and her father Guss house jump up in the air from a explosion. Cettie rushes to see if her father is alright while Miston and Tugger laugh at Gus. We then see Cettie helping poor old Gus)

Cettie: Poppa, do you think Im odd?

Tugger: Yes

Nikki: (hisses at Tugger) I hate you.

Gus: My daughter? Odd? Now where did you get an idea like that?

Cettie: Well . . . Jellicles talk.

Gus: They talk about me too. (starts to sing)

Well, Im not odd, nor you

No family could be saner

Except one uncle who-well, maybe let

that pass

Nikki: I always wonder about that uncle when I hear that line.

Gus: In all you say or do

You couldnt make it plainer

Dem: Thats not a good compliment.

Cettie: Nikki, I hate the begining.

Nikki: Dont worry it will get better soon.

Gus: You are your mothers daughter, therefore

you are class

Cettie: So I should just accept

Im simply not like them

Tugger: No argument with that.

Nikki: (hisses at Tugger) That was great guys now lets skip.

Gus: But I didnt get to sing the word creme de la creme and thats my favorite word.

Pounce & Tumble: Thats our favorite food.

Nikki: Okey, first we are behide, second its _words_ Gus not word, and thanks alot you two now Im hungery!

(Nikki is about to beat up Pounce and Tumble, but Munk grabs her. Which was really a bad idea because now Nikki starts to make out with Munk be force again.)

Rache: Nikki get off of Munkustrap, so we could start agian.

Nikki: (giggles) Sorry.

(Cettie helps her father with his invention for the big show that weekend. She wishes him well as he heads off on their horse (which is Nikki and Rache.)

Nikki: (inside the horse) Aww, why do I have to be the butt?!

Rache: And let you lead? Never. (looks out of the holes for the eyes) Wow! Munkustrap, Tugger and Alonzo did a really great scenary. Boy, you got to see this.

Nikki: (angery) How can I when I HAVE YOUR LOVLY BUTT IN MY FACE!

Gus: First prize is nearly mine!

It's quite my best invention!

So simple, yet complex,

So massive, yet so small,

This triumph of design will be my old-age pension

(realizes he's lost)

That is providing I can find the fair at all.

(getting more uneasy)

I must have missed a sign . . .

I should have paid attention . . .

RATS!

All: WHERE!

(Nikki does a wolf howls before anyone else does. Which is kind of funny see a horses butt howl)

Rache: Nikki a horses butt does not howl.

Nikki: Well this one DOES. If I cant be the retarded horses head Ill be a insane horses butt.

Tugger: (still laughing) I like the insane horses butt.

Nikki: Thank you.

(Gus races on horseback, pursued by wolves . . . um okey one cazy wolf named Macavity until he discovers the gate to an old castle. He goes in and he closes the gate just in time and hides inside. He is befriended by the enchanted objects of the castle, who were once the Prince's servants and they treat him with lovly hospitality, all except Alonzo who is freaked that the "Master" will find out. The fears come true and soon we realized when the Beast-the sexy Munkustrap storms in and throws Gus in the horrible dungeon.)

Nikki, Pounce, & Tumble: Dum dum DUM!!!!!!!

Tugger: Boy I would give anything to have your part Mungojerrie, do you want to switch?

Mungo: No, I dont want to be a worshiper to Miston like you, our litte Lefou. (starts to laugh)

Tugger: (growls) I hate you Nikki!

Nikki: (smiling) I know.

(Now while the tragic, thing happen Miston is all ready planing a wedding, with our little Lefou (Tugger . . . giggles) help, before he askes Cettie. He then goes off to prepose to Cettie, who is inside her house, reading a book. She answers the door and Miston barges in and starts singing)

Rache: (still in horse custom with Nikki) Um . . . Nikki what if this song gives Misto a big ego like Tuggers?

Tugger: Hay!

Nikki: I never thought of that. But it _is _unlikly to happen . . . right?

Tumble: No, Miston- I mean Misto started to get a ego when we ate our fish.

(The others nod while Nikki and Rache pray that they will not have another "Tugger")

Misto: You've been dreaming just one dream

Nearly all your life!

Hoping scheming, just one theme

Will you be a wife?

Will you be some he-tom's property?

Good news! That he-tom's me!

Nikki: So far, so good.

Misto: This equation, queen plus tom

Doesn't help just you!

On occasion, queens can have their uses too!

Mainly, to extend the family tree

Pumpkin, extend with me!

Munkustrap: Oh my God! Hes starting to act like TUGGER!

Misto: (strats to act like Tugger) We'll be raising sons galore!

Cettie: Inconcievable.

Misto: Each built six-foot-four

Cettie: Unbelievable.

Misto: Each one stuffed with every Tugston gene!

Cettie: I'm not hearing this!

Misto: You'll be keeping house with pride!

Cettie: Just incredible.

Misto: Each day, gratified

Cettie: So unweddable!

Misto: That you are part of-

(Nikki and Rache are rolling around on the stage, stuck in the horse custom. The Jellicles cant help but laugh at the display in front of them.)

Nikki: Its not funny! YOU DONT HAVE RACHELS BUTT IN YOUR FACE!

Rache: (sickly) Oh! Nikki dont move in circles . . . I had mexican food for lunch.

Nikki: (leading the horse custom by her end, the butt, screaming and running like a idoet) OH MY GOD!!! HELP ME BEFORE SHE GETS GASSY OR BRAFS!

(They then run off the stage with the kittens laughing while the others try to be respectable)

Misto: (hissing at Nikki & Rache because they reuin the sceane) Imagine this . . . A rustic hunting lodge. My latest kill roasting over the fire. My little wife massaging my feet! While the little ones sit on the floor, playing with the dogs . . . oh, we'll have six or seven.

Cettie: Dogs?

Misto: No Cettie! Strapping boys! Like me. (singing again)

I can see that we will share

All that love implies!

We shall be the perfect pair!

Rather like my thighs!

Bomba: You know, Misto does have a nice pair of thighs.

Tugger: What about mine?

Bomba: Their nice too.

Nikki: (Still in the horse suit) MUNKUSTRAP HAS BETTER THIGHS THEN ANYONE ELES! AND SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Jemima: Nikki is right, (touches Munks thigh) they are so awsome, I cant help but touch them.

(The queens gather around to touch Munks thighs as the toms think . . .)

Alonzo: That reminds me, arnt we soppose to get something for Nikki?

Mungo: I think she wanted us to get Munkustrap flowers.

Nikki: NO YOU DOPE! I WANT YOU TO GET ME OUT OF HERE! (but no one notices her, except Rache who is now about to barf)

Pouce: Why would she want that?

Cori: I dont know, but lets get flowers for Munkustrap.

(The toms leave to get Munk some flowers, the queens are still touching Munks thighs, and poor Misto, with a big ego now tries to keep the play going)

Misto: You are face to face with destiny

All roads lead to the best things in life are

All's well that ends with me!

(Cettie tries to run off, but Misto grabs her again)

Escape me, there's no way!

Certain as do re

Cettie, when you marry (speaks)

So Cettie, is it yes, or is it Ohhhh, yes!?

Cettie: (who wants to touch Munks thighs) I . . . uh, I just don't deserve you.

Misto: Who does? (sings) MEEEEE!!!!!

Cettie: But thanks for asking. (runs to touch Munks thighs)

Munk: Why me?

Nikki: GET ME OUT OF HERE SHE IS ABOUT TO THROUGH UP ON ME!!!!!!

**Well, Misto is not a brute but a egoist now, Nikki will not leave Munkustrap alone, and no one got food poisoning . . . yet. But will Nikki and Rache get out of the custom in time before Rache brafs, will Mistos ego grow bigger then Tuggers, will Tugger and Nikki become friends, will the queens leave Munkustraps thighs alone, and most importantly what kind of flowers will the toms get for Munkustrap? Tune in next time for more Cettie ****and the ****Beast.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Cettie ****and the ****Beast**

Jenny: Weres Nikki and Rache?

Munk: I dont know, but I do know she would want you guys to stop touching my thighs and get on with the show!

Tanto: Fine . . . hey were is the toms?

Alonzo: Right here and Munkustrap (gives Munk some red roses) these are for you.

Munk: Um . . . thanks.

Jenny: Now chop, chop lets get this spoof over with.

All: Right!!!

(Cettie kicks Miston out of the house, Miston stroms away, and Cettie looks out the door to see if he is there.)

Cettie: Is he gone. (sighs and music starts) Can you believe it? He ask me to marry him! Me! The wife of that borish, brainless . . .

Misto: HEY!

Cettie: Madame Miston! Cant you just see it?

Madame Miston! His little wife

No sir! Not me! I guarantee it!

I want much more than this provincial life

(runs out of the house to a grassly hill)

I want adventure in the great wide

somewhere!

Tugger: You know thats kind of the plot . . . hey Pounce whats wrong?

Pounce: (crying) Nikki is not here.

Tugger: (starts to cry) You sniff I miss her.

Cettie: I want it more that I can tell!

And for once it might be grand

To have someone understand

I want so much more than theyve got

planned . . . (speaks) Hey since Nikki is not here lets skip to the part were Im at the Beasts castle.

All: Sure.

(So the Jellicles skip to where Cettie comes to her father)

Pounce: We will sure make Nikki happy . . . but who will be the directer in the meantime?

Tugger: I will.

Pounce: Well . . . good luck with that.

(To summarize the part that is skip: The family horse comes home with no ride (in this cass no horse), the horse takes Cettie to the castle, were her father is, and feels like she is being fellowed as she walks around trying to find her father.)

Cettie: You know Munkustrap is really good at this lurking business, and it make me nervous.

Dem: (getting scared) Yeah, now I think about it Munkustrap is the older brother of Macavity.

Bomba: (scaried as well) I hope he behaves.

(While the Jellicles get freaked out Cettie finds her fathers cell and has a talk with him. Gus tells Cettie to leave before the Beast comes and sure enough the Beast comes, in a angery rage)

Munk: (angerly and baring teeth) Who are YOU? What are YOU DOING HERE?

Cettie: I'm here for my father! Please, you have to let me help him! He's sick! He may be dying . . . let him go, please!

Munk: NO HE IS MY PRISONER!

Tugger: Munkustrap stop it, your scaring me!

Munk: Dont worry Im just in charater.

Cettie: (hesitating for a moment, but finally plunges in) Take me instead.

Munk: (stunned by her convdence) YOU . . . would take his place? (he does not understand why she would do that)

Gus: No Cettie! I wouldnt let you do this!

Cettie: (ignoring him) If I do, would you let him go?

Munk: Yes . . . but you would have to stay here forever with me.

(Cettie thinks about it and then askes . . . )

Cettie: Come into the light.

(Munkustrap nodds and walks forward (with lighting and thuder effects by Misto) Cettie then cowards in fear but her hand touches his thigh)

Tugger: No, no, no Cettie! Your soppose to be afierd! Not touch his thighs!

Cettie: But their SO inviting and he is not that scary, but kind of cute.

Tugger: (laughs) Oh boy, Munk you might have a fangirl soon.

Munk: Gee, thanks!

Gus: NO CETTIE! I WOULDNT LET YOU DO THIS!

Pounce: Oww! Easy on the ears!

Cettie: (gets up and appoches Munk) You have my word.

Munk: DONE! (grabs Gus and drags him away before can say goodbye)

(Tears come to Cetties eyes and feelings of bitterness to her captor. She sings about her feelings.)

Cettie: Can we skip this.

Tugger: Sure! Nikki and Rache will be poud if we get through Act One before they get here! And Nikki wouldnt hurt me no more!

Jem: Aww, but we are going to miss a great song.

(Munk takes Cettie away to a separate room in the castle for her to stay in, upon the urging of Mungojerrie, the living candleabre. As they leave the kindly cook turned teapot, Jennyanydots sings a reprise to Pounce, her son turned cup, and to Cettie to cheer her up.)

Jenny: I hope that well be friends

Though I dont know you well

If anyone can make the most of living here

Then Cettie

Its you

And who know

You may find

Home here too

All: Waaaaaaa! That is so sweet!

(The next part back at the village, in a pub were Miston is still sore that Cettie said "no" to him)

Misto: WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? That queen has tangled with the wrong tom!

Tugger: (drinking) Darn right!

Jemima: Cool, we get to drink in this song!

All: ALL RIGHT!

Misto: No one says no to Miston! Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly HUMILIATED! It's more than I can bear!

Tugger: (now drunk and offering Miston . . . ) More beer?

Misto: What for? NOTHING HELPS! I'm disgraced!

Tugger: Who? YOU? Never! Miston, you have to pull yourself together! (starts to sing)

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Miston

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy hered like to be you, Miston

Even when taking your lumps

Pounce: Lumps? Boy, I wish Rache was here to look that up.

Tugger: Theres no man in town as asmired

as you-

Youre everyones favorite guy-

Everyons awed and inspired by you

And its not very hard to see why

Pounce: Oh, no Misto is getting the big ego again!

Tugger & MISTO: No one's slick as Misston!

No one's quick as Miston!

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Miston!

For there's no tom in town half as tomly

Perfect! A pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on!

All: No one's been like Miston!

A kingpin like Miston!

Tugger: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Miston!

Jenny: DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM TUGGER!

All: (skip ahead to make things go faster and avoid a MAJOR Mistons ego trip)

No one fights like Miston!

Douses lights like Miston!

Tugger: In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Miston!

Jemima, Electera, & Victoira: For there's no one as burly and BRAWNY!

Misto: As you see, I've got biceps to spare!

Tugger: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny! That line is totally not right!

Misto: (inoring Tuggers coment) THAT'S RIGHT!

And every last inch of me's covered with f- (throws up)

All: EWWW!

Jenny: He must have eaten bad fish the poor dear.

Tugger: Guess we got to take a break.

**Will Misto control his ego and food poising, will Munkustraps thighs be left alone, will Tugger as director make Nikki mad or happy, and WHAT HAPPENED TO NIKKI AND RACHE? Tune in next time for more Cettie ****and the ****Beast.**


End file.
